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Free Bird Seed: Bait Strategy Document (Revised) v1
Free Bird Seed: Bait Strategy Document
Objective
Deploy complimentary bird seed at a strategic location to attract the target into a pre-arranged capture zone.
Target Profile
- Species: fast desert bird
- Known weakness: bird seed (all varieties)
- Approach speed: stationary when eating
- Departure speed: approximately 600 mph
Deployment Plan
- Place 5 lbs of premium bird seed in a pile on the road
- Position capture mechanism 3 feet from seed pile
- Conceal operator behind nearby boulder (minimum 50 ft for safety)
- Wait
Capture Mechanisms (choose one)
| Mechanism | Success Rate | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Falling anvil | 0% | Target moves before anvil lands |
| Cage drop | 0% | Target eats seed through cage bars |
| Trap door | 0% | Operator falls through instead |
| Grab by hand | 0% | Target is faster than hands |
Budget
- Bird seed: $4.99
- Capture mechanism: $799.99
- Medical expenses: $12,000 (estimated)
Historical Success Rate
0 for 31 attempts across all capture mechanisms.
Conclusion
The bait works perfectly. The target always arrives. The problem is everything that happens after that.